Reviews... FROM BEYOND THE GRAVE!

Ok, so maybe not reviews from beyond the grave but they are from a looooong time ago. Here are some early CBNAH member reviews...

HHH
***COMICS FOR WEDNESDAY, SEPT 04, 2008***

AMAZING SPIDER-MAN # 570
The Story: NEW WAYS TO DIE
It's the Spider-Fight of the century: SPIDER-MAN versus VENOM versus ANTI-VENOM! Who will be the last web-slinger standing? The guy with radioactive spider-blood? The man with the original symbiote? Or...hold on...just who or what is Anti-Venom anyway?! Also: a regular Spidey cast member falls prey to Menace! And Aunt May sees a suspiciously secret side of the F.E.A.S.T. center...
Rated A …$2.99

CBNAH says: Wow! Sweet ass Venom VS Spidey VS Anti-Venom fight from beginning to end with art by JRJR! This issue really pushed my happy button a lot. The only TINY gripe I have is the awkward transition in the middle of the book where it follows Menace's retarded plight against the political figures of the story. I just found it really badly placed in such an action paced story. Either way, we return to the fight where basically Anti-Venom just cured Venom of the symbiote. Bad news is, he then turns on Spidey himself. And it appears that he may have cured him of his spidey like powers. We won't know till the next issue, but still...wow. Another thing is...I don't think I've ever seen Venom frightened before. I highly recommend this story arc, especially for all those long time spidey readers that were deeply wounded from the events of BND. This may help heal a little mah babies.

In Stores: Sep 4, 2008 - see details
DEAD OF NIGHT FEATURING DEVIL-SLAYER # 1
Rating: EXPLICIT CONTENT DEAD OF NIGHT FEATURING DEVIL-SLAYER # 1
The Story: Abandoned by his fiancée, his family, his church, and his government, Sergeant Dan Sylva returns to Iraq for a third tour of duty -- and a descent into Hell itself. If the demon Belathauzer and the mysterious mercenary group known as Bloodstone have their way, Iraq, the place where civilization began, may also be where civilization ends. The reinvented Devil-Slayer takes Marvel’s DEAD OF NIGHT to terrifying new heights, from award-winning horror novelist Brian Keene (The Rising, Dark Hollow) and artist Chris Samnee (DAREDEVIL: BLOOD OF THE TARANTULA)!
Cardstock Cover/Rated T+ …$3.99

CBNAH says: Ok, so I downloaded this comic because I was expecting to read a story about the ex-Defend Devil-Slayer, you know, the dude in the ridiculous costume with that red cape thing that was alive with the powers that didn't make sense but were linked to hell somewhat? If you don't remember him, I suggest you wiki it up. But what I got was something entirely different instead. We follow some dude who's re-enlisting in the army to take on the war in Iraq. Snoooore. I'm not sure if this is the same Devil Slayer (like his human identity) but the tale is your typical "nobody cares about the casualty rates of the dead soldiers going to war unless it affects the gas prices of their cars" or something. Uhh...if you don't want to die, then why enlist, dumb-ass?? This ain't 1938 or whenever where everyone is drafted without choice. Anyway, it's a pretty boring and typical war story of a bunch of fresh faced boys getting their blood spilled. The last page makes me re-wonder that perhaps THIS IS the same devil slayer as he find himself face to face with a factory full of slaughtered humans, surrounded by little reptilian like demons (you know, yer typical long tailed, red abortion looking thins). In the end however, if this is the same Devil-Slayer, it doesn't matter because curiosity got the best of me but it failed. He was boring then and he's certainly boring now. Don't bother with this one homies.

In Stores: Sep 4, 2008 - see details
INVINCIBLE IRON MAN # 5
Rating: RATED A INVINCIBLE IRON MAN # 5
50/50 VARIANT COVER
The Story: THE FIVE NIGHTMARES builds to its penultimate chapter. Stane and his army make their assault against Stark -- the man AND the conglomerate -- and Tony Stark shows even an old dog can pick up a trick or two when his back's against the wall. Iron Man and Iron Man 2.0 finally come face-to-face and head-to-head -- and the only thing more shocking than the way it starts…
is the way it ends.
Rated A …$2.99

CBNAH says: Los Angeles, Tokyo, Long Island, Valencia. What do these four places have in common? TERRORISM! Or more specifically, they have been targeted by Ezekiel Stane for destruction to cripple Tony Stark's financial empire. And of course, in typical super villain fashion, to get his attention. BTW, before I go on, I LOVED the t-shirt Zeke was wearing during the tour. It depicts a picture of Captain America's skull with the words "Tony Was Right" beneath it. Fraction has an AWESOME sense of humor that's been coming out in every issue. Wonderful stuff! The battle gets on it's way and it's a savage one! The end is a shocker...which I WILL spoil for you. After a huge beat down and major damage to his suite, ol' shell-head finds himself on his knees in Zeke's mercy. The issue ends with Zeke blasting Iron Man's HEAD OFF. WTF! Did I miss something?? ANOTHER AWESOME ISSUE!

In Stores: Sep 4, 2008 - see details
IRON MAN: GOLDEN AVENGER # 1
Rating: ALL AGES IRON MAN: GOLDEN AVENGER # 1
The Story: They're baaaaaaaaack! Spymaster! Jolt! Plantman! Blacklash! Some of the worst baddies ever to stain the pages of Marvel Adventures Iron Man have teamed up in this one-shot to destroy Tony Stark's armored alter ego once and for all in the most cunning, evil plan ever conceived
by ... Tony's secretary, PEPPER POTTS?!?
All Ages …$2.99

Uhhh...I just noticed that it was a Marvel Adventures Iron Man title because A) Jolt was never a villain. B) Plantman reformed and doesn't look this ridiculous. And C) Nobody knew Iron Man's real identity in this piece. It was a pretty boring comic actually. Pepper Ann Potts keeps on receiving the employee of the month award which makes her co-worker, Callee insanely jealous. She gathers Spymaster (who??), Jolt, Plantman and Blacklash (hahahaha!) to get the drop on Tony Stark so's she'd be able to come in for the rescue and save the day. Of course, everything blows up in her face as things don't go as planned. Honestly, the mini-marvel comic at the end was about 100% more entertaining then the actual content. SKIP!

In Stores: Sep 4, 2008 - see details
MARVEL APES # 1
Rating: RATED T+ MARVEL APES # 1
The Story: Flingin' feces, True Believer-- the entire Marvel Universe has gone APE!
Just when he thinks life can't get any worse or weirder, Marty Blank – a.k.a. that lovable loser, the Gibbon -- finds himself and the brilliant-and-beautiful Dr. Fiona Fitzhugh transported to a world where monkeys rule and humans don't exist!
SEE the spectacular simian city of Monkhattan!
MEET the hominoid heroes and villains – SPIDER-MONKEY! DOC OOK! IRON MANDRILL! SIMIAN TORCH! THE APE-VENGERS! And more!
THRILL to the return of Speedball!
CONTAINS No-Ads, as we are thrilled to present you backup tales exploring the Apeiverse!
LEARN the dark secret of the primate planet!
WORRY that the fate of the entire universe is in the hands of the Gibbon!
Not a hoax, not a dream, not an imaginary story - just the most not-to-be-missed mini-series of the season! If you only buy one (well, two) comics this month about super-powered, intelligent apes-in-capes, it must be MARVEL APES!
Rated T+ …$3.99

CBNAH says: NO!!!! Don't do it! Don't buy this thing! It's so pathetically written and the art sucks! Think planet of the apes but in the marvel fashion. Everybody is Captain Monkey this or Iron Chimp that. HA-freaking-ha! Just give us the zombies. No need to insult both your and our intelligence marvel. I don't even need to review the rest of the issues. A planet ruled by apes with a dark secret bla bla bla. I'll tell you the dark secret; it's their form of justice, it's brutal. They have a quick trial and then all the monkeys go ape-shit and murder said assailant in cold, brutal blood. Yaaaaawn. A definite PASS.

In Stores: Sep 4, 2008 - see details
MS. MARVEL ANNUAL # 1
Rating: RATED T+ MS. MARVEL ANNUAL # 1
The Story: It's a Brand New Day as Ms. Marvel and the Amazing Spider-Man cross paths. Can they settle their own differences and save Manhattan from menacing mechanized malcontents? Only Brian Reed (SECRET INVASION: FRONT LINE) and Mark Robinson (CREDIT) know for sure!
Rated T+ …$3.99

CBNAH says: Hilarious team-up with Spidey and Carol Danvers, aka Ms. Marvel. The quips don't stop from Spidey and neither do the threats from Ms. Marvel as they combine abilities to take on a very strange threat of automobiles coming to life to cuz havoc...or so it seems. But who cares! The snappy retort between Carol and Spidey had me laughing my ass off! The constant reference to who's Avengers' team was cooler was also quite delicious! I loved it! This is classic Spidey as he's meant to be. Sure, he comes off as annoying (which actually has been his fortay as of late, instead of his usual funny self) but it's worth it just to hear Ms. Marvel's rebuttals. Pick this up if you're in a mood for a laugh.

In Stores: Sep 4, 2008 - see details
SECRET INVASION: FRONT LINE # 3
Rating: RATED T+ SECRET INVASION: FRONT LINE # 3
The Story: As the heroes begin to mount a resistance to the Skrull invasion, the man on the street finds survival harder than ever. Brian Reed (CAPTAIN MARVEL) and Marco Castiello (P’N’P) invite you to witness the biggest event in the history of the Marvel Universe through the eyes of the average man!
Rated T+ …$2.99

CBNAH says: Although I skipped the second issue, #3 is really easy to catch up to. And I must say, I'm really impressed with Front Line. Not that's it's telling an amazing story or anything, it's just that we're getting the human side to the Invasion that the rest of the spin-offs sorely lack. It's a story about survival and it's very reminiscent of that movie, Cloverfield where everyone is running in a panic, through buildings and subways. I'm pretty sure the writer was very inspired by the movie because the scenes were very similar. It's freaky stuff being chased by skrulls through a darkly lit office building's staircase. The story follows a half dozen different characters as each of them tries to lead a group of people to safety. One of those people happens to be Ben Ulrich, report of the Front Line newspaper. The end is very interesting and offers up a cool twists as one of the groups bumps into a street gang also hiding underground. You would think with a city wide panic the gang would be more friendly and offer a helping hand to their follow humans, but no. The gang is still
foolishly protecting their "turf" and the result is one of the characters getting shot. It kind of strikes you in a funny way when these people are all running from their lives from an alien invasion and laser guns and freaky paranormals with abilities and space ships that a simple gun in this hectic, high adrenaline run would be just as life-shortening. An important spin on the Secret Invasion which I'm sure is being ignored. You have to remember after all that not everyone in the marvel U is invulnerable.

In Stores: Sep 4, 2008 - see details
SUB-MARINER: THE DEPTHS # 1
Rating: PARENTAL ADVISORY SUB-MARINER: THE DEPTHS # 1
The Story: The latest offering from the red-hot Marvel Knights line offers a searing vision of Namor, the Sub-Mariner as you’ve never seen, brought to you by Peter Milligan (X-FORCE) and Esad Ribic (SILVER SURFER: REQUIEM)!
Atlantis. Throughout the ages, a few men have wondered if this fabulous place actually exists. Fewer have imagined that the city is protected by a wild and vengeful being, the very embodiment of the untameable depths themselves -- the Sub-Mariner. When a deep sea expedition mysteriously vanishes without a trace near the Marianes trench, legendary adventurer, Randolph Stein embarks on a journey that will rock him -- and his crew -- to their very core. Traveling deep into the dark belly of the sea, the men of the good ship, Voyager, are about to see things that defy description, that supersede their wildest imagination -- things that men aren’t meant to see. Staring into the abyss, Stein will soon discover that the abyss can indeed stare right back at him.
Cardstock Cover/Parental Advisory …$3.99

CBNAH says: Everyone's favorite fish man is back in a new five part mini-series from Peter Milligan (Batman, X-Men). This first part follows the Doctor Stein, a professional skeptic, a man who proves that legends are not real. After, a submarine goes missing while searching for the fabled lost city, Stein is called in to disprove the biggest myth of all; that Atlantis DOESN'T exist!!!!!! Sadly, for a series about Namor, the prince of Atlantis doesn't actually appear in this first issue (feels like I was robbed). Esad Ribic's artwork is (to me) a constant reminder of Alex Ross's work, which is good enough reason to buy this issue, but the story feels very slow and only really picks up in the last two pages. Given that this is a series, I guess that should be expected. Hopefully
the 2nd part can help make up for this one's distinct lack of pace.

In Stores: Sep 4, 2008 - see details
VENOM: DARK ORIGIN # 2
Rating: RATED T+ VENOM: DARK ORIGIN # 2
The Story: When a man claiming to be the Sin-Eater -- the serial killer tormenting Spider-Man and all New York City -- contacts the young Eddie Brock at the Daily Globe, Eddie takes his shot at career-making news. Who cares if the story’s full of holes? Watch the corruption that poisons Eddie’s soul until it’s as black as a certain alien symbiote…and witness the creation of one of Spider-Man’s great foes! By writer Zeb Wells (AMAZING SPIDER-MAN) and artist Angel Medina (SENSATIONAL SPIDER-MAN)!
Rated T+ …$2.99

CBNAH says: Having not read issue 1, I still jumped directly into issue 2 without hesitation. After all, isn't that what the previously pages are for anyway? Plus, it's Venom. I dig Venom and this story centers around the man behind the symbiote, Eddie Brock aka the first Venom. Ok, so let's get to it. This comic focuses on Brock's early journalistic career and his first real break. He tracks down a famous serial killer called Sin-Eater and gets exclusive stories from the man. Eddie's position (as well as his head) in The Globe (the paper he works for) begin to swell as his articles become front page news. Unfortunately, it's just Brock's luck that it turns out the man he was communicating with was actually NOT the real Sin-Eater, but a copy-cat. Brock is discredited and the comic ends with him being fired. Not a bad comic without a single appearance of Venom although we do see the symbiote oozing about slightly on a page or two. Still, I can see that the writer is trying to show a tale about Eddie Brock, the man before he got himself wrapped up in not only The Spider-Man mythos but also with the Daily Bugle paper. Not too bad although I will admit the art wasn't too impressive.

In Stores: Sep 4, 2008 - see details
X-MEN ORIGINS: BEAST # 1
Rating: RATED T+ X-MEN ORIGINS: BEAST # 1
The Story: Hank McCoy never wanted to be different - and for a young mutant with a genius-level brain, camouflage comes easy. But only until a psychopathic terrorist with a god delusion kidnaps his father, and his life is brought into irrevocable confrontation with Charles Xavier and the X-Men in this X-citing one-shot.
One-Shot/Rated T+ …$3.99

CBNAH says: A cute little tale about our not so blue-furred (yet) Beast in his high school days. It follows him at an age I would guess where his physical form must have just developed because his insecurities about himself seem pretty fresh. Carey keeps faithful to his longstanding origins (his dad working in a radiation factory, him being a football star, etc) and it's cool to see it being expanded on. The art itself can go either way. I myself found it a little to fancy for a Hank McCoy tale, but it still served it's purpose. It sorta looked like a sloppy Alex Ross. Anyhow, if you're a Beast lover, this one's definitely for you.

X-Men Origins Beast by Curtis Luster

X-Men Origins Beast is the next installment in Marvel’s ongoing saga of releasing comics starring everyone except the new interesting characters we actually like. So while that first sentence sounded rather negative I did enjoy X-Men Origins: Beast, if not for the art of JK Woodward. JK Woodward did the art for the first thirteen issues of Peter David’s Fallen Angel. Which reminds me, why the hell aren’t you reading Fallen Angel? It's Peter David at the top of his game, and it's published by IDW which means that you're getting top-notch art on high quality gloss paper. I guess this has nothing to do with X-Men Origins: Beast so I’ll move on. The art was splendid but I still didn’t feel the story gave enough rationalization for Professor X erasing Hank McCoy’s existence from his family, which is the main problem with his particular backstory. There’s a subplot about a young Henry McCoy underachieving to fit in, and while it’s a decent idea in and of itself, it doesn’t feel unique to the Beast character. So we've got a cookie-cutter story that doesn’t really solve the problems the story presents. Still, it looks pretty, and doesn’t feature Wolverine. (Depending of course if that’s a positive or negative for you)

In Stores: Sep 4, 2008 - see details
X-MEN: MANIFEST DESTINY # 1
Rating: RATED T+ X-MEN: MANIFEST DESTINY # 1
The Story: Witness the biggest shake-up in X-Men history. With the mansion in Westchester destroyed, the X-Men are moving to San Francisco. But it’s not just a change in the zip code. Come see what the momentous change in status quo means to the X-Men. In every issue of MANIFEST DESTINY Mike Carey (X-MEN, ENDANGERED SPECIES) brings you an installment of a story featuring one the first X-Men—Iceman. Also in this first issue are stories by C.B. Cebulski (X-MEN:DIVIDED WE STAND, LONERS) and Skottie Young (X-MEN:DIVIDED WE STAND, NEW X-MEN).
Rated T+ …$2.99

CBNAH says: In the style of Divided We Stand (minus the good artists), here we get three X-Men stories starring Iceman, Boom Boom (yes I shall call her that as much as I want) and Karma. First, we see that Iceman has retired and is living a semi-normal life with Opal (remember the asian chick from the 80's, early 90's with the giant pants? sheeee's baaaaaack). Opal isn't who she seems to be and whineds up Bobby in the hands of Mystique. Glad she's back and I'm curious as to why she's so interested in Bobby so much. Next, it's a story about Boom Boom getting her butt handed to her by a lame-wad mutant named Neuro who basically puts people to sleep. I can't believe they used this character as her last appearance was in an X-Force annual around 1990. So sad that I would remember this, but hey, I am comic nerd, hear me bore. Anyhow, the situation is dealt with an a hilarious manner as Boom Boom find said villain on-line on pseudo FaceBook page where she lists her events and future planned heists. Cute story and I'm glad Boom Boom is re associated with the X-verse. The last story is a Karma tale that basically just re-tells her history. I don't remember it that well, all I know is the art kinda sucked. Ah well,
at least she's back. Me likey and it's definitely worth picking up.

X-Men Manifest Destiny by Curtis Luster

X-Men Manifest Destiny, you promised me Skottie Young and delivered Michael Ryan. I’m not sure if I can forgive you for that. Actually, considering you are X-Men Unlimited as cleverly disguised as Gary in Team America, a lack of Skottie Young is the least of your problems. But shifting perspective, the problem with X-Men Manifest Destiny isn’t that it’s an anthology title but that it’s a crappy anthology title leading the reader once again back to the dreaded X-Men Unlimited. The first story featured Iceman, and serves only to confirm that nothing came out of “Get Mystique” besides some intricate use of shadows. The MELTDOWN story lacked any sense of personality. I was annoyed by her because she just felt toned down. Nextwave Tabby was an ultra-blond, arse-kicking, klepto; not a serious character but enough of a caricature to be interesting. X-Force Meltdown (and I mean the Moore X-Force not the Liefeld wank-fest) was more tragic, she always tried to keep a positive demeanor but was always a hair away from a--well--meltdown. But instead of taking a side on either silliness or seriousness, the story lands smack dab in mediocrity. There are a dozen characters that would have been identical in this story, seriously. Tape a picture of Pixie, or Jubilee, or Kitty Pryde's mangled corpse and the story is the same and serves only to say “Hey, we didn’t forget Tabby.” Thanks guys, I was worried for a minute. Lastly there’s a Karma story. I don’t know why this was included, Karma’s always been the least interesting of the New Mutants. Then again there seems to be a fan base for the Blob and Skids so I dunno, maybe there were people clamoring to see Karma drone on about her powers and backstory or whatever I don’t even care. I suppose this is my fault in a way, though. I complained that there was not enough focus on some of the less-mainstream characters; be careful what you wish for I guess.

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HHH
***COMICS FOR WEDNESDAY, SEPT 10, 2008***

AMAZING SPIDER-MAN # 571
The Story: NEW WAYS TO DIE
How do you top last week's Spider-Mano-a-mano-a-mano? How about with an all-goblin throwdown?! It's the true goblin taking on the new goblin as NORMAN OSBORN squares off against MENACE! Also: more SPIDEY/THUNDERBOLTS action! And one of Spider-Man's greatest foes finally uncovers one of his best kept secrets...
Rated A …$2.99

Review by Ozwald Reginald: Wow, is it just me or was this issue overtly packed with story? Not that I'm complaining though as it had three of my favorite elements. Spider-Man. Venom. And The Thunderbolts. The issue opens up with two battles going con-currently. First, it's Norman Osborn versus the newest glider riding goblin, Menace, which showcases Osborn as a bad-ass fighter as well as some form of tactical genius... which is the complete opposite of his portrayal in Thunderbolts. There, Ellis depicts Osborn as a manipulating maniac on constant edge and always filled with fear that his greener side will come out. Here, he's still a manipulating bastard, but he seems a lot more in control, especially with Spider-Man on the scene. He discovers that the Menace has stolen the glider technology from one of many of Osborn's facilities/factories. During the battle itself, there were a lot of hints dropped about the identity of Menace. My guess? It's Harry...but I think that's WAY too obvious. The second fight (well, not exactly fight) is between Anti-Venom and Spidey. Brock is taking a new leaf in his life thanks to his newly discovered, more-pure (does that make sense?) symbiotic powers and his second goal after curing Mac Carnagan of his Symbiote is to to cure Spider-Man of his radio-active blood. Still with me? This is a big uh-oh for Spidey since his powers COME from his irradiated blood-cells. Lucky for Peter, A.V.'s attention spirals towards the rest of the Thunderbolts as they sweep down to clean house. The art was pretty awesome and I especially loved Song Bird's powers being portrayed by the Romita art. It was also nice seeing the banter between Spidey and her. The rest of the issue had to do with political mumbo jumbo and Harry Osborn so I kinda shut off for it, BUT not before we revisit the T-Bolts one last time. Norman has found an interesting new way to track Spider-Man down that is directly connected to his human persona's career as a photographer. It's too annoying to explain here so I would suggest you pick this one up cuz Slott really delivers on the writing and the art really doesn't hurt which constitutes this one as a wiener...er winner.

SECRET INVASION # 6
The Story: EMBRACE CHANGE! With these words, the Skrulls have made their intentions clear but not everyone thinks they sound all that bad. Which heroes and icons are hell-bent on defending the Earth from the invasion, and who thinks a new era has dawned for mankind? The final double-page spread of this issue will send chills down your spine, and that is a promise!! The blockbuster event of the year heads towards its shattering conclusion by Bendis and Yu.
Cardstock Cover/Rated T+ …$3.99

Oz: Ok, so month in and month out, I review this comic and pretty much trash it. It's really bad writing and sometimes, it doesn't come across in my reviews as my Bendis-hate may exceed any actual point I try to make. So for the 6th installation of this flaming shit-ball, I will review it in the same manner that Bendis writes the scripts for these issues. Ready? This should be fun. Pages 1-2: Noh-varr aka Marvel Boy is riding some type of glider bike. Close up of his intense face and then the next panel, big explody action. Who it be? Captain Skrull Marvel. He pulls the "it's up to you/you're my only hope, Luke", skrulls out and dies. Uhh...why did he have to land with an explosion again? Anyway, to my homies that were guessing that maybe the skrull Marvel may be in an upcoming Avengers line up, sorry boys but our dreams have just been shat-upon in one panel. Page 3 is cut into 3 panels. More skrulls on TV threatening/preparing the Earth for up-coming change which bleeds into the next few pages as captions of skrulls mouth-jawing policies. That continues onto panels 2 and 3, which are plugs for the X-Men and Inhumans Secret Invasion spin off titles. That's right. No dialog, just a cheap "look kids! it's your favorite characters and they also have their parts to play in the invasion! doing what you ask? Ah! for those answers, you gotta get THESE shits!!!". BLERGH. Page 4 continues in a similar fashion, 3 panels again featuring Black Panther, Shana (currently in new avengers), and....Sabra? WTF? When was the last time we saw her? Anyhow...Pages 5 and 6 takes us to Camp Hammond and the Initiative. There, skrully Hank Pym and Spider-Woman are discussing the defeat of their agents in the Savage Land. The rest of the skrulls are shaking in their booties at the mention of Reed Richards joining up with the heroes. Spider-Woman then mentions something mysteriously about the Wasp being their last resort and that since she's there, their win is in the bag. Ok, THIS makes me curious, so let's continue. Pages 7 and 8, we join the returning heroes from the Savage Land as a plane full of Avengers
arrive to New York to find it devastated and smoldering. THAT is illustrated on the two-page spread of pages 9 and 10. Honestly, the damage doesn't look THAT bad. Hulk did more damage in his own personal World War, but let's not get off this track. Pages 11 and 12 has some protesters who are PRO the skrulls showing their support but, once a couple of skrulls get a little too near and start speaking in that weird language of theirs, the dumb hipsters stark freaking out. Heh, stupid hippies. Page 13 is shared by two panels of Nick Fury, his Secret Warriors, The Young Avengers and what's left of the Initiative in a pose-fest. The rest of the page is the Hood and his own version of the Masters of Evil which I think they're calling the Crime Syndicate er something, but anyway, ya, it has them all hiding in the shadows...on a rooftop, deciding if they should throw down or not. Uhh..ok...they're in the shadows...on an open roof top. Stop smoking that crack Bendis! Page 14 is more sexy posing by Nick Fury and his little crew as the hippy protesters confront them and call them fascists. Page 15's first panel is inconsequential as the second one has Thor (FINALLY) in it, beating on some innoccent concrete lol. Unfortunately, it only takes two panels for Bendis to ruin a Thor appearance for me. I know this is the fan-boy in me, but so WHAT, what's the point otherwise. Thor says "Who are you supposed to be?" to the Bucky Cap. Sigh...it's who art thou, BENDIS!!! WHO ART THOU!!! Please, don't touch Thor ever again. Heh. The next page, Thor and Bucky Cap are standing face to face and they look like they're about to embrace. Behind them the Avengers land and emerge. The Hood and his masters of evil also join the party. Page 17 shows the gathering forces of the skrulls as masses and masses of them assemble to confront the heroes. The rest of the page and page 18 is some dialog exchanged between Spider-Woman and the heroes right before Tony gets primed to say "AVENGEEEEEEERRRRRRRRS" (wtf, is he Irish now?) which continues into a 2 page spread of him continuing the "ASSEMBLE!" part and showing more sexy posing from the heroes. Pages 21 and 22 are a quick glimpse of the chaotic battle coming up ahead for the remaining 2 issues. So let's see here, 4 bucks for 4 worthy pages? This is what Secret Invasion has been thus far (minus the awesomeness of the last couple of pages) and I hope my hate is finally understood. Sure, it itches curiosity, but over-all, it's REALLY not worth it. Bendis butchers the two speech bubbles that Thor says and come on, over 5 years of insidious hiding and planning, Spider-Woman is the biggest bad ass the Skrulls have replaced. Really? Two more months of this crap...and not only is Secret Invasion over, but Slott replaces Bendis on Mighty. Woo hoo! REAL Avengers here they come :). Hell, it's gotten so bad to the point that because of Bendis, I think I'm going to start giving D.C. money. Ya, that's right. Don't be surprised if come December, you guys see a lot more DC titles being reviewed. Heh, ok rant over.

SECRET INVASION: RUNAWAYS/YOUNG AVENGERS # 3
The Story: The rip-roaring teen mini-series comes to a killer climax! The teams are split up, but can they come together and stop the Invasion? Can Hulkling become the Messiah he has been prophesized to be? Is Xavin lost forever?
Rated T+ …$2.99

Oz says: Honestly, I expected a lot more from Chris Yost, but can you really blame the guy? Secret Invasion is just a really un-balanced breakfast...that is if it was food. I mean, one second, the Skrulls are shown to be these near indestructible beings and the next, we're seeing someone like Ms. Marvel ripping through like dozens of em at a time. Make up your mind here people. For this series and also for contrast with our young cast, the skrulls fall in the first
category of an uber-powerful threat. This series has mainly been made to show where Xavin's loyalties lie, his own people or the Runaways aka Earth. I didn't mind the art too much, but just to warn you, it does fall a bit on the cartoony side. Although it feels like the rest of their teammates weren't really a necessity, Xavin and Hulkling do share the spotlight with the rest of the team for this one. The last issue is packed with some action for the fan-boy in us all, but in the end, it feels like it could have been an easy skip.

CABLE KING-SIZE SPECTACULAR # 1
The Story: If you’ve missed Cable so far, this giant-sized, self-contained one-shot is the perfect chance to hop into the timestream and catch up with the story that blasted right out of the pages of “Messiah CompleX” !
If you think it’s tough being Cable, hopping through time with a bawling kid strapped to your chest, try stepping into Bishop’s shoes for a while. Yeah, you’re a tough, smart cop, and you’re no stranger to tracking time-traveling perps, but Cable is a new kind of quarry. Not only is he an X-Man who’s very familiar with the future, he’s also a highly-trained soldier who knows how to cover his tracks and leave dozens of down-and-dirty traps in his wake. For you, the stakes have never been higher. Every second that baby is alive means you’re one second closer to your greatest nightmare. One you swore you’d prevent…
Rated T+ …$4.99

King Size Cable Spectacular by Curtis Luster
Ahhh, and here we are at the King Size Cable Spectacular. I’ll be honest, I liked the King-Size Cable Spectacular. To my mind, Cable is the most interesting when he’s playing the foil to another character, whether it be Bishop or Deadpool. Although I complained before about Cable being a guest star in his own book, the KSCS has made me reevaluate my position on something, which is unprecedented. The story stars Bishop as he travels through time in his quest to kill the young mutant messiah, and we get to see Cable at his peak; laying traps and schemes and such. Suffice it to say, the war between Bishop and Cable is getting more interesting as time goes on, and I’m actually really excited to see where it leads.

DEADPOOL # 1
The Story: A SECRET INVASION TIE-IN!
“ONE OF US,” PART 1
The Merc with a Mouth is back, even deadlier and more deranged than before! The planet has been invaded by Skrulls, everything’s gone topsy-turvy…but, in Deadpool’s world, that just means it’s Monday! Crazy times call for crazy men, but c’mon, this guy’s insane! Like it or not, Deadpool may be the only person on the planet who can save us…but who’s to say he wants to? Be here for the explosive debut of the new ongoing series by writer Daniel Way (WOLVERINE: ORIGINS, GHOST RIDER, BULLSEYE: GREATEST HITS) and fan-favorite artist Paco Medina (NEW WARRIORS, NEW X-MEN)! Deadpool: His madness is his method! You won’t want to miss it!
Parental Advisory …$3.99

Deadpool 1 by Curtist Luster
Deadpool’s back because you demanded it! Or so they say. We seem to be stuck in some kind of loop, with Cable and X-Force being moved out of mothballs, Deadpool is our next victim which I must admit, makes more sense than bringing back X-Man or Mutant X. The Achilles heel of the solo title is that it relies upon the strength of the main character to carry the stories along. So the question becomes “Is Deadpool a strong enough character to carry his own solo series?” Well, I’ll say this, it’s leagues better than Deadpool Team-Up. Paco Medina on art is a match made in heaven, with crisp colors and distinctive visuals. The problem is, that the writing and pacing seem slow, and a slow start for a Deadpool book is bad news. But we have another one headed our way this month so maybe it’ll pick up then. I’m willing to let my love for Deadpool carry me though. (okay that sounded a little weird)

SECRET INVASION: X-MEN # 2
The Story: As the Skrulls consolidate their hold on the West Coast of America, the X-Men's guerilla war enters a new phase. But Nightcrawler is being subverted by a lost Skrull bible, and the Beast's search for a last-ditch anti-Skrull weapon requires one extra ingredient: a Super-Skrull to dissect...
Rated T+ …$2.99

SI X-Men 2 by Curtis Luster
Oh Secret Invasion X-Men 2, why you gotta make me hate you huh? The art is atrocious. It’s Liefeld bad. It’s the kind of bad you look at and go “damn!” If I could sum up Secret Invasion X-Men 2 in one word it would be “filler.” The Nightcrawler storyline holds marginal interest but feels stretched thin over two issues. Four will be torture. There’s a scene where Angel meets up with Husk and the two go back to the base, presumably to have some barely-legal action. A few pages later X-Force comes onto the scene including Archangel. Now X-Force has said in uncertain terms that he can switch back and forth but I don’t think underage pussy is the thing that’s gonna trigger it. I’m not going to say that one of them is a skrull because I give Mike Carey more credit than that, but some bit of continuity would be nice. Like a scene where he changes or something to make the transition make sense. As it stands this is just another fluff title Marvel is making to pad their line-up.

X-MEN: MAGNETO TESTAMENT # 1
The Story: Today, the whole world knows him as Magneto, the most radical champion of mutant rights that mankind has ever seen. But in 1935, he was just another schoolboy -- who happened to be Jewish in Nazi Germany. The definitive origin story of one of Marvel's greatest icons begins with a silver chain and a crush on a girl -- and quickly turns into a harrowing struggle for
survival against the inexorable machinery of Hitler's Final Solution. From "X-Men: Phoenix—Endsong" writer Greg Pak and award-winning artist Carmine Di Giandomenico.
Cardstock Cover/Parental Advisory …$3.99

X-Men: Magneto Testament - 1 of 5 by James Blundel
As the title kinda explains, this five part story from the Marvel Knights series focuses on everyone’s favourite Master of Magnetism, or more specifically, the story of how he became the Master of Magnetism. This first issue shows us Erik Magnus Lensherr (although is that really his name???) as a young Jewish boy living in Nazi Germany, beginning to face a very different kind of adversity than what we all know he’s used to. This first issue introduces us to the family he lost in the years to come as well as his first meetings with Magda (You know, Pietro and Wanda’s mother!!!). There are also a few hints of the unique talents that we will one day know him for best. Greg Pak (Phoenix: Endsong, Phoenix: Warsong) has started this story beautifully, showing us a more sympathetic side to Magneto than we are used to and helping us understand why he is how he is. Also, the artwork is truly lovely in this book. Carmine Di Giandomenico and Matt Hollingsworth have given the whole thing a very classical period feel. Overall, it’s a bloody addictive story and I am counting the days until part two. In short, if you are looking for something new to read, then I say give this a look!!!


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***COMICS FOR WEDNESDAY, SEPT 17, 2008***

INCREDIBLE HERCULES # 121
The Story: "LOVE AND WAR," Part 1
The Greek Goliath is looking for some R&R after the events of "Sacred Invasion," and hopes to find it in the arms of
ex-Renegade NAMORA. But there's no rest for warriors when the AMAZONS declare war on Atlantis! And these ain't your mama's Amazons-- is that why Amadeus Cho sides with them instead of Herc? Plus: ARES returns!
Rated A …$2.99

IH 121 by Oz

Because even God's deserve some down-time, Hercules and Amadeus take a break for some spring-time loving. All though they're on vacation, this issue's got it all: rasstlin' with Namora, Greek mythology explored and modernized, plenty of fist pounding action AND a cameo by Aeries (who works most brilliantly under the penmanship of Pak better then anywhere else in the wide marvel U, so fuck Mighty) Disturbingly hilarious (anyone up for some man/boy love? howz about some royal incest) and a perfect jumping on point to a brand new arc. Nothing I can say can make this comic more awesome
so I leave it to you to fulfill contentment. Actually, there is ONE thing I can add to this review which similar to the last page of this issue, will leave you foaming at the mouth for more. It's a five letter word that begins with N and ends with amor. Pick this one up.

UNCANNY X-MEN # 502
The Story: The hunters become the hunted as the X-Men let the Hellfire Cult know they won't be going down without a fight. Beast brings a special guest star to visit the Cult's latest victim. Cyclops and Karma chalk up a victim of their own. Nightcrawler's extracurricular activities are brought to light. And learn, for the first time, what Wolverine listens to while fixing his car. All this and the team leaps into battle against the Cult in a full-frontal assault...the prize, San Francisco!
Rated T+ …$2.99

Uncanny 502 by Curtis

Uncanny X-Men 502, all grinning, all the time. Since I don’t read New Exiles or Wolverine: Origin I can’t in all good conscience say that this is the worst X-Title. But damn if it doesn’t try. The art is bad. I hate to say that about Greg Land because he does some pretty pictures, but this is just atrocious. Stick to drawing covers Greg. Ever character in every situation is grinning from ear to ear like the move to San Francisco came with a full frontal lobotomy. The strength of graphic novels as an artistic medium hinges on the ability to communicate emotions and ideas through pictures and Uncanny X-Men fails to do this utterly and completely. In fact all the ideas here are things that have been covered before and better. I don’t care about the Hellfire Cult, the cookie-cutter villains du jour, and three issues in have yet to define themselves as any kind of threat. Heroes are defined by their villains, Luke had Darth Vader, Bond had Blofeld, Liefeld had feet, but a group of humans in masks with crowbars and an S&M shape shifter hardly feels earth-shattering. At least Astonishing is trying something different with their “Ghost Box” bugaboo. Bottom line, this is soulless nonsense; which I can’t be too surprised at since Uncanny hasn’t had a decent writer since 1997.

AMAZING SPIDER-MAN # 572
The Story: NEW WAYS TO DIE
Bullseye and the Thunderbolts target Spider-Man...in a way he's never been targeted before! Also: Oscorp's secret scandal, but who's behind it? Harry or Norman? And a classic Spider-Man foe returns to the fold! Spider-Man's Brand New Day is over, and now all that's left for him are NEW WAYS TO DIE!
Rated A …$2.99

ASM 572 by Oz

The Green Goblin is back!...again! Heh. We may have seen Osborn freak out and wreck havoc over in the pages of Thunderbolts, but Spider-Man is where he was born. Handled beautifully by Slott, Green Goblin's insanity can be felt through the pages. He's the star of this issue. It left me going Spider-Who? There's also appearances by a lot of different characters, such as those reporters from Frontline, Aunt May, Harry Osborn and his girlfriend (some noob, malato chick) and of course the ever so helpful Anti-Venom. I don't want to say too much as words can't really describe this awesome team up of Slott of Romita but I will say that there's a return of a classic Spidey villain. Not to mention a confrontation between our hero and Bullseye that's worth the issue alone. Another great issue and it's only too bad that this storyline concludes in the next. Keep em coming!

X-FACTOR # 35
The Story: Thought everything with Darwin was settled? Thought you knew the full scoop of Longshot’s showing up? Turns out you're wrong on both counts as the case takes an unexpected turn and X-Factor finds itself drawn into the mystery of the Karma Project.
Rated T+ …$2.99

X-Factor 35 by Curtis

The writing is still top-notch, and the art is still not as good as we’ve seen from Strohman. Nevertheless, it’s still one of the best X-Titles out there.

YOUNG X-MEN # 6
The Story: One Young X-Man (or X-Woman, we're not telling!) is dead! But there are still more than ten mutants (you read that right) vying for membership on the team. Who will be left to carry on the X-Torch? Marc (AMAZING SPIDER-MAN, Eli Stone) Guggenheim and Yanick (ULTIMATE X-MEN) Paquette aren't telling -- except in this self-contained issue perfect for new readers!
Rated T+ …$2.99

Young X-Men 6 by Curtis

Although our fearless leader has taken a different position, I’m going to give this a few more issues before dropping it. I like most of the cast (Ink still sucks) and if nothing else I am curious about Cypher’s presence. Still not good, but better than Uncanny.

MIGHTY AVENGERS # 18
The Story: SECRET INVASION TIE-IN
INTRODUCING NICK FURY'S SECRET WARRIORS! Do you have what it takes to be trained by the greatest agent in the world? Well, do you? Well, you probably don't, but thankfully he has gathered new heroes who just might!
By Secret Invasion's Brian Bendis and Mighty Avengers new artist Khoi Pham!
Rated A …$2.99

Mighty A 18 by Oz

Here we have another issue of Mighty Avengers minus the Avengers, mighty or otherwise. We're following the Secret Warriors (as they're called now) as Nick Fury trains them for the oncoming chaos. He gives Phobos (son of Aeris), Quake (ex-shield agent), The Druid (son of Doctor Druid), Stonewall (obviously some connection to the deceased Freedom Force member), Hellfire (Ghost Rider lineage), Yo-Yo (daughter of lame villain, The Griffin. didn't think he had a penis honestly) the task of kidnapping Maria Hill. We get some flash-backs as Hellfire bitches and moans about the way Fury has been treating them, but they carry on with the mission. They succeed only to find that they snatched a LMD (life model decoy) instead of the genuine copy. They regroup to their HQ and we find out that this all happens minutes before the invasion has taken place. Other then the great art from regular Avengers: The Initiative artist Stefano Caselli, it's another Bendis-borefest of useless filling in the blanks when there was no need. It honestly feels like he writes these scripts at 6 in the morning and just rushes through to make it on time. Try to resist that nerve-itching Secret Invasion banner on the cover and don't bother with this one.

THE AGE OF THE SENTRY # 1
The Story: Kicking off an all-new miniseries bringing you two “classic” silver-age tales of the Sentry at the birth of the Marvel Age! When the Golden Guardian is critically injured, Scout, Lindy Lee and Watchdog have to travel back in time to learn exactly how Rob Reynolds became THE SENTRY. They must learn the secrets to save our hero – so he can save the world! PLUS: When the Tinkerer and the Mad Thinker team up to create a device capable of stealing the Sentry's powers, they only have one obstacle on their path to world domination. The parasitic beam takes HOURS to work! What evil scheme will keep the Sentry in place long enough to destroy him? Don't miss the breathtaking tale of monsters and mayhem!
Rated A …$2.99

THE AGE OF THE SENTRY # 1 by Oz

I figured I would try something new so I went for The Age Of The Sentry #1 and man, what a hoot! This comic is hilarious! It's styled in the 1960's marvel comics fashion with all the cheese you can handle! The opening page is a woman riding a super-dog with the Sentry and his partner as they face off against some villains, one including a guy with a tube on his had that has 3 floating brains named...get ready...CRANIO! HA! The issue continues and we get to delve into the Sentry's origin as he is granted the "POWER OF A MILLION EXPLODING SUNS!". I'm telling, you the cheese doesn't stop and I'm loving it. And that was only the first comic. The second features the villainy of the Mad Thinker and the Tinkerer as well as a guest appearance by Rick Jones and his "Tough Kid Squad". Although Rick and the TKS aren't in the actual story, it's still a fun-read. So ya, if you want something different, maybe something old school (and when i say old school, I'm talking OLD here) give this a try. I couldn't help but grin as I read it.

IRON MAN: DIRECTOR OF S.H.I.E.L.D. # 33
The Story: SECRET INVASION TIE-IN!
The Skrulls have stricken Iron Man with an alien virus that renders his armor and technology useless! But Tony Stark plans for every possibility...so it’s time to say hello to Tony's not-so-little friend—War Machine, weapon of s.h.i.e.l.d.! But can one man, even one as well-armed as James Rhodes, stand alone against a worldwide invasion? A major new chapter in both Tony and Rhodey's history begins here!
Rated T+ …$2.99

Iron Man: Director of S.H.I.E.L.D. #33 by Oz (warning, not for the annoyingly whiny, you know who you are)

Or should I say War Machine: Weapon of S.H.I.E.L.D. ? Meh, either way, here we're following the happenings in Secret Invasion as Jim Rhodes receives an urgent message from Tony Stark. So War Machine takes the battle to the skys. As he defeats the assailants, the caption box (which is also Rhodey's thoughts) displays him saying "Recognize". That's mistake number one. At this point, nausea over-whelmed my brain. I glanced over the rest of the mag and we get the entire Terminator 2/I'm missing half my face thing (which was never explained in any title. trust me, I've done my research). The issue ends with a souped of War Machine out in space about to take on the skrull armada. The, I spotted mistake number 2. The "NEXT" caption states this: IT'S BROUGHT! Has this writer been smoking too much crack and hanging out with wiggers to get his inspiration to write a black male character? This is so badly written that I feel like I'm watching a mis-informed MTV show with gangsta wanksta's and wannabe's. This is some offensive shit. They may as well call this comic War Machine: Niga with a Gun because of the way it's been written. That may have come off as fucked up, but it's not less fucked up then the way the character was portrayed. Dear lord, take it away.